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All poetry has been written
by Sonya T Flowers
From the Beginning
The first time we met I felt my heart stir,
One look into your eyes and all my emotions began to whir.
I never dreamed that you could feel the same way.
Therefore my true feelings I tried to keep tucked away.
Well, now things are different and I have changed for the best,
I will show my true feelings and put them to the test.
You are saying all the things that I needed to hear,
You have me quivering and shaking with fear.
A fear that is good and a feeling that is great.
Now I am wondering, could this be our fate,
To have your love after so much time,
To have you realize how much I want you to be mine?
I wish that you knew the things in my head,
The many things that I have left unsaid.
Can this be real and can this be true?
Why do I feel so deeply for you?
We've been friends for so long and will always be
Even when apart you did not forget me.
For that reason I will always consider you a friend.
I am so thankful that we are together again.
It is my hope that someday near,
Maybe sometime during this year.
We will come together as one
Two kindred souls in an everlasting bond.
I hope that my words find a receptive ear.
The things that I am about to say,
May take you by surprise, but please do not turn away. . .
I have loved you since that very first day.
"How can this be true?" Is what you will say.
I believe there are rare times when one can feel this from the start.
One look into your eyes and I saw straight to your heart.
In you I saw something that I had never before seen.
It is so difficult to explain exactly what I mean.
It was as though you had captured my heart,
Just something about you which set you apart.
I left that day glowing and wanting to be with you again.
That night was filled with dreams of me and you.
Dreams that I did not think would ever come true.
It was as though I had left you with a part of me,
A secret part of me that just could not live
Without the love that you have to give.
You see that day when we had to part,
I drove away leaving a piece of my heart.
It had been so long since I had trusted anyone,
But amazingly, my love and trust you immediately won.
My heart cried the day you told me you were going away.
My only prayer was that you would come back to me one day.
Now you are here again....and again I am able to feel love in my heart.
"Maybe the reason why I have stopped searching
for the man of my dreams is because I know that I've already found him.
It's just up to him to say whether I am who he has been waiting
for."
A
Special Person
Sometimes in our lives
we will meet a very special person
one that will laugh with us
for no reason at all
one that will smile at us
illuminating our days
one who will be there for us
washing our tears away
More often than not
we tend to take their love for granted
For that reason I am now
taking a break from my busy day
just to write you this special note
to let you know that I love you for all your special ways.
"Maybe the reason why I have stopped searching for
the man of my dreams is because I know that I've already found him. It's
just up to him to say whether I am who he has been waiting for." Answer
now given - leaving one true heart broken. Nonetheless, the search is
over.
A Broken Heart
Beaten down, used and discarded
Forgotten, alone and broken-hearted
Should have known it was to good to be true
When I put all my faith in you
I wish that I had only known
I would have been better off alone
Is this the way it had to be
Your cool words drew blood from me
Did you wish to cause me pain
You succeeded with your cold disdain
Allow me the comfort of my tears
Washing away dreams from these past years.
Why did it have to take so long
Before I realized I had been wrong?
That our feelings were never the same.
To you I must have been just a game.
So now the time has come to part.
You, dear friend, have broken my heart...
Always On My Mind
I thought of you again today
You are always on my mind.
I only wish the best for you,
And I will do so until the end of time.
I cannot hold ill feelings,
Even though I must say
I will never understand
How quickly you went cold.
I still think the world of you,
And will always keep you in my heart.
For that is the only place I know
Where we will never be apart.
I Was Beautiful
It seems so strange that
I have never felt that I was pretty
But with you I felt beautiful
Happy, safe, inspired and yes, beautiful
Somehow I began to change
Beginning to believe your words
While with you, I was beautiful
Undeniably, even sexily, beautiful
I am back to being plain old me again
But for a very brief interlude
I was able to be Cinderella
And then the clock struck midnight
I am sad that you left me so soon
Taking the sun's warmth and my heart with you
I can still say thank you because
For a short while I was beautiful
My Memories
All the times we shared together,
All the moments I have treasured,
All those things we said to each other
Do you remember any of them?
Or did you erase the memories when you chose to leave?
I have tried to release those treasured moments
I have tried to purge all the words you said
Now I know that I am unable to forget those moments
Though I no longer share your company
I will always have the memories of times we shared.
I loved you and that will never change
Even if you never truly loved me,
You made me feel loved, and truly special.
That is why it hurt so Deeply to find that you did not want me.
Because for a while I thought you loved me too
I am trying to accept there not being an ‘us’
While knowing I will always cherish the memories
Even if it causes me to miss you and cry because you are gone
I will continue to remember how good we were together
And try not to wonder what went wrong
A Broken Heart
Within myself I have loved you!
I've missed you when you were gone.
I knew I loved you from the start,
But today you broke my heart!
Is it so easy for you to forget me?
Our laughs, our cries, our words?
I feel so empty here inside,
Loving you through rivers of tears I've cried!
I knew I loved you from the start,
But today, my love, You broke my heart!
A HOLE IN MY SOUL
There is now a hole in my soul,
Formed in a fleeting moment
But sure to last forever.
It felt as if it were formed by
Long, sharp, razor-like claws
Digging deep into my flesh
And wrapping around my soft heart
Just like a cloud that covers the sun.
A quick jerk and twist forward!
Instant, unbearable pain;
Instant Emptiness.
Nothing left now except
A large hole in my soul.
I am told that it will heal...
How can it do so when there
Is no heart left to repair?
A Pain Like No Other
Sunday nights were always mine
With candlelight dinners and a few glasses of wine
From across the table, he would reach for my hand
I spoke of things that only he would understand
The dinner is over, its time for a ride
He hadn't a clue what I was feeling inside
He turned on the music and fixed a drink
He knew me so well, or so I wanted to think
He started slow, soft kisses on my skin
I was mesmerized by his touch, he stirred feelings within
We were amazing together and he seemed to know it too
You really can't fake it when you love like I do
He started to touch me and my body replied
Wanting so much to feel him inside
When he started to enter, Oh, the look on his face
No one could take this from us, it was our own special place
After all that, he could tell me Good-Bye
Was all he did and said just a Lie?
Alone Again
I'm here alone, by myself.
Memories reel through my head.
You walked away
Never looking back
The memories of you linger.
I die a little more
Every time I think of you.
The memories ache inside me
Just like the sun, it felt good
to be with you...
As the blisters form
I realize I have been burned.
Nothing But a Shadow Remains
There's not a day I stop thinking about you.
The way you brightened my days,
The tender touch of your hands,
Brushing away my tears when I was down.
The warm feelings inside me have now floated away.
There is no longer someone who's there.
Those tender, warm eyes lost forever.
The smile that illuminated my days has vanished.
In your place is a dark shadow.
A shadow with no color or words
To describe how I feel about you.
There's not a day I stop thinking about you.
Alone Without You
I'm just a shadow of the person I used to be,
Too many tears are in my eyes for me to see.
I fell in love, then I fall apart,
You reached inside, tore out my heart.
No one else to turn to, nothing else to do,
I'm all alone and crying without you.
I'm just a broken woman inside my misery,
I wish you knew what you have done to me.
So many games that I can't win,
I wish our love could just begin again.
No one else to turn to, nothing else to do,
I'm all alone and crying without you.
Tell me what I did to you
To leave me crying and blue.
You say that you found another,
You, my dear, were my only lover.
No one else to turn to, nothing else to do,
I'm all alone and crying without you.
I Knew
I already knew what was going to happen.
I heard the words before they were spoken
I was just not good enough for you
And now my heart is broken.
I knew all along how the story would end
My heart in a downward spiral you would send.
On a silver platter my heart I gave to you,
Though I really knew it was too good to be true.
Your smile was filled with the sun's golden hue
That instantly turned my cloudy skies blue
My thoughts and prayers with you will stay
Because it was my heart I gave away.
Deceived
The very first time I saw you,
I felt a shiver run down my body.
You captured me with your hypnotic eyes.
Now I have been left feeling alone,
Helpless, used and completely deceived.
I did not want to believe that betrayal would be part of the game.
Why the lies? Why the lack of honesty?
What gave you the right to leave me feeling used
Tormented by the shame of giving you my heart and body.
Do you know the thoughts that come into my mind every time I cry?
What a sad price to pay just because you begin to trust.
It was the cruelest of games you have played on me.
What an unbelievable price to pay for believing you
And putting all my trust in you,
Just to be left alone to deal with this enduring pain..
Questions Left Unanswered?
Did you know when you kissed me,
I'd be fighting that memory for the rest of my life?
Did you realize that just your eyes would bring an eternity of tears?
A legion of sleepless nights spent yearning for something that would
just hurt me again?
Did you know your touch would set fire to me and burn me alive?
That you'd fill me with a wanting to be held in your arms for a million
years afterwards?
Did you know that I had dreamed of spending the rest of my life in your
arms?
Now I lay awake, alone and missing you more than words can say.
Do You Know?
Do you know how hard it was for me to trust?
Do you know how long it takes to mend a broken heart?
Do you know how it feels to be used and betrayed?
Do you know how sad it makes me feel to have given you my everything?
How can I ever trust again after trusting you?
Do you know the questions that have gone through my mind?
Do you know the scars you left in me?
Do you know that in spite of it all I still love you?
How can I ever get over the man from my dreams?
The Death Of Faith & Trust
How does one Recover
From a Broken Heart and
Many Broken Dreams?
How can one Explain
The Anguish of the Exploited
The Helplessness of the Used
The Smile of the Vanquished
The Silent Tears flowing inward
And the Down cast Eyes
That are the mute witness
To an agonized Death
Of Faith and Trust.
A Fool Am I
A fool am I
Choking on my tears
Existing in this void of despair
You left me with so many questions
I am a fool for having hoped
I am a fool for still dreaming of you
I am a fool for I sit here
After you struck me with your words
And I still scream to the world that I LOVE YOU!
I Gave All
A word spoken with a voice so soft
You called my name when I was lost.
You led me from the place I knew
And made me fall in love with you.
My soul yearning for your soft caress
I gave my all, you took no less.
Yet when all was done, you left me cold
Remembering empty hopes your lies had told.
No more beautiful words or hope to cling to.
We'd only play when convenient for you.
There was a time you cared, I need to believe,
For it to all have been lies is too hard to conceive.
A word spoken with a voice so soft,
You called my name and now I'm lost...
How many times have you pretended to be true?
And how many more are in love with you?
My Foolish Love
Like a total eclipse,
Your love shines on me no longer...
Why you took your love away,
Shall always leave me to wonder...
Your eyes, your smile,
Still weigh heavy in my heart...
Your memory is all I have,
Now that we're so far apart...
I thought you wanted me,
I know I wanted you...
I thought love could be enough,
But my love alone just would not do...
Almost
What do I do
With all I got from You
You moved into my Heart
I gave you Me
I let go my Heart
Tears now flow
You've broken my Heart
Like fine crystal .... it shattered
You'll never know the pain I feel
You hurt something you can't see
Sweet things were said
Plans made to see you
And I believed
I believed in You
I thought you were real
That You sought commitment
You made it into my Heart
I finally let someone in
Only to have it torn apart
If you only knew what you meant to Me
I cry now inside
For the love I almost touched
And miss so very much.
Have You Ever
Have you ever loved someone,
And then found that they didn't care?
Have you ever peered into their hearts,
Only to find that you are not there?
Did you have to let her walk away,
Not wanting her to go?
Whispering I love you,
But you never let them know.
Have you ever cried all night in misery,
Feeling like you were about to go insane?
There is nothing else in this world,
That can cause that much pain.
Given the choice between love and death,
I believe that I would rather die.
Love is fun but can hurt so much,
The price one pays is much too high.
Therefore, I advise, don't fall in love,
You'll surely get hurt before it's through.
I speak from my memories of us,
For, I was a fool, and fell in love with you.
Have You Ever Met a Man
Have you ever met a man
where every moment he spends with you makes you feel like you are
everything to him?
Every time he looks at you, you feel like the most beautiful woman in
the world?
Have you ever met a man
that with one simple touch of his hands can set your whole body on fire?
And the touch of his lips makes you burn with desire?
Have you ever met a man
who has the ability to soothe your very soul?
A man who then finds another and leaves you out in the cold?
Have You Ever....I Have
I THOUGHT I MEANT SO MUCH MORE
I thought I meant so much more.
Someone you had come to treasure.
You even told me so many times.
So many hours spent talking just the two of us.
Times I thought we would always share.
But then one dark day that you had planned,
You left me to cry for you and wonder why?
How long ago did you decide to tell me goodbye?
I thought I was more than just someone to use
To fill in the empty spaces of your life at the time.
That must be all that mattered to you,
I just never thought you would let me go.
The visions in my mind I am unable to erase
Dreams I still have of you keep me awake,
They seem so real though I know they are not.
I keep telling myself this has to stop.
I can hardly believe that this has happened.
I thought I meant so much more
A friend, a lover, someone you adored.
My dreams are nightmares full of painful goodbyes.
I wish that I could tell you what I am going through,
But I doubt that it would really matter to you.
I thought I meant so much more
But the harsh face of reality shows that
I am just someone that you forgot.
I Trusted You
Why are you doing this to me?
It was only a few days ago that you
Whispered kind and gentle words into my ear.
You told me that I was beautiful.
You told me that you loved me.
These words made me so very happy.
There are no words to describe how I felt for you...
Or how I still feel for you.
After all of we have shared
You left me and broke my fragile heart.
Why did you do this to me?
You've hurt me so.
I don't understand why.
I trusted you.
Surely You Will Call
Your coming back was a dream come true
Time spent with you I truly cherished.
Your warmth was like the rays of the sun.
Your Indifference has been a nightmare.
Surely You Will Call
With Helpless pain and a tortured heart,
I feel the loss of our relationship
That to me was so very precious.
Yet from you there is no response
Surely You Will Call
I must believe that some of what you said
Was true and that you felt something too.
Because even though my heart lies shattered
My mind keeps on repeating,
Surely You Will Call
If I Had Only Known
If I had only known that it was our last night together...
I would have found the courage to say "I love you" out loud.
I would have held you more closely during that last hug.
I would have kissed you deeper and longer during our last kiss.
If I had only known that it was going to be the last time I would touch
you...
I would have memorized the feel of your arms around me.
I would have memorized the feel of your soft lips against mine.
I would have memorized the feel of your warm body stretched over me.
If I had only known it was the last time I'd see you fall asleep...
I would have stayed awake all night long just to listen to you breathe,
I would have snuggled up to you and wrapped my arms around you
I would have prayed for you to feel the love in my heart
If I had only known that it would be my last chance...
I would have stopped to touch your face and drown in your eyes.
I would have thanked God for the sunlight he was lending me
I would have opened my ears a little more and my mouth a little less.
If I had only known that we would not speak again...
I would have told you how very much I care
I would have told you all the things that I hoped we could share
I would have told you how grateful I am that you came my way
If you were to give me just one more chance...
I would hold you close to my heart at every opportunity
I would show you each and every day just how much I love you.
I would give you love unconditionally and with no demands.
Does She...
does she do the things that I used to do
does her every move tell you how much she cares
does she make you wonder about the things she does
does she try to make you happy
does she only want to please, or
does she only want to be pleased
does she say she loves you, and you wonder
does she love you like I do
does she dream about you every night
does she feel she needs nothing but your embrace
does she shiver when she hears your name
does she respect and honor your wishes and needs
does she appreciate you for who and what you are
does she want you to break your rules for her
does she fulfill your needs, or just look good on your arm
does she try to anticipate your desires
does she listen to your ideas and try to give you more
does she realize what a truly wonderful person you are
does she wear the jewelry that I left behind
does she know about me and how much I care
does she truly compliment your whole self, or just your ego
does she have the capabilities that you claimed were important
Do You Ever Think of Me
When you are all alone, do you ever think of me?
When you think of what you miss, do you think of me?
When I hear your voice, do you feel my heart leap?
When we said goodbye, did you see my tears?
When you are dreaming, can you feel my thoughts?
When you wake up, am I ever on your mind?
When you go online at night, do you still look for me?
When you are working, do you want to hear my voice?
When your mind is full of lust, do I ever appear in your thoughts?
When you look at my pictures, do you think still think I am pretty?
When all is said and finally done, will I be the one you wish to run to?
When you are finally alone for good, is it me you will reach out to?
Eulogy For My Love of S. A.
You shattered all of my illusions last night.
Your lies have left me completely cold inside.
I physically shiver from the cold breeze,
It’s cruelty still wreaks havoc in my mind.
Why was I not able to see that you were just
Someone untrue wearing a mask of deception?
I offered you my heart of gold too freely
Which you took for granted and discarded.
It is hard to conceive that all you said were lies.
You were able to take me to the top of the world.
Then you sent me plummeting headfirst into hell,
Tearing my soul out and killing my dreams.
The love I had for you was so sweet,
Now I find that you were nothing but a farce.
One's Innocence can never be regained,
And trust betrayed can never be rebuilt.
Love itself is not the culprit in this game,
For liars and cheaters are not worth loving.
I shall emerge stronger and stand taller,
For I know that I have stood the test of love.
The walls that I gladly let you tear down
Are slowly rebuilding around my heart.
Salty tears constantly burn my eyes.
As I surrender to the pain in my soul.
My heart has suffered many disillusionments
Introduced heartlessly by men that were untrue.
Yet in the end I know my tears will leave me stronger,
As they flow to relieve the strain of my broken heart.
These tears will enable me to release the weakness
That makes my whole being throb and ache.
I can feel the pain smoldering as I let you go,
Realizing the sadness for a love I still don't know.
The hunger for true love eats me alive.
Hoping and dreaming for my perfect love.
All the while I keep asking myself...
Do I even believe that it exists anymore?
Acceptance
You will never know
How deeply you have hurt me.
Words do not even begin
To describe how you made me feel
You said you would always be here.
I thought our love was real.
You were someone so special
Who was able to touch my heart.
And "good-bye" I am sad to say.
I feel your decision was unwise
But I will endeavor to understand it
And possibly even accept it one day
"Perfect Love is rare indeed - for to be a
lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very
wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the
understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the
tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."
------ Leo Buscaglia
Cruel Reality
The past's memories I hold dear
While looking toward the future
With an intensely deep longing.
All the time living the present
Knowing that despite my love
Destiny is determined to carve
Completely different paths
Between the two of us.
With unconditional love I must
Accept this cruel reality.
My Resolve
We each have the gift of our own unique reality
Composed of wishes, maybes, and could-have-beens.
These elements at times seem to be overwhelming.
I find myself at a loss, unsure of what or how to feel.
Wishing I knew what your heart holds for me.
I know that I love you, but it is love that you do not want.
I have forgiven you for hurting me, for not loving me
Now I must forgive myself for the inability to forget you.
I have always been afraid to love you.
That fear is still very real and always present.
Therefore I know that I must face my fear of loving you
And accept that the feelings I have are not shared.
I will continue to grow and nurture the love in my heart
For that is what makes me who and what I am.
The only regrets that I shall allow myself to harbor
Will be for the completeness that could have been.
IF ONLY
Images of you fill my mind.
Your eyes hypnotize me.
I want to be yours.
If only you would notice me.
But I'm only one in a million,
When you could have anyone.
I would be anything that you want
If only you would accept me.
Lost Again
I am lost in an uncontrollable sense of solitude,
Filled with surges of hope and disappointment.
I have been left with the bitterness of separation,
Which seems to be drying up all of the love in my heart.
I have reached the point of perplexed desperation.
Will I ever escape from this pit of disappointment?
Tender memories conjure up a host of phantoms
That cause me to suffer to the very brink of self-torture.
There can be nothing more heart wrenching
Than the presentation of impossible happiness.
My sorrow deepens into much darker, tragic colors.
As I wander through the deep waters of affliction,
I am learning to accept duly, patiently, each new blow.
FOLR
There are times in one's life
When reevaluation is needed.
Such a time has arrived for me,
And the evaluation has been painful.
I have given what was mine to give
Only to have it repeatedly rejected.
More than once I have found
That I am simply a FOLR.
What is a FOLR, you ask?
A Friend of Last Resort.
The one that you turn to
When you can find no one else.
A FOLR is a very dependable
And warm person as a rule.
As a result they feel very deeply,
And get hurt quite often.
Still I had rather be a FOLR
Than to be many other types
That I have run across
During the course of my life.
I shall ease my pain
With the satisfaction
That along with the suffering
I have experienced love and joy.
Should You Ever....
Should you ever find yourself in need
Of a smile to start your day,
Or to feel my heart next to yours
And know that everything will be ok,
Just close your eyes and think of me.
I will always be - only a thought away.
Should you ever find you need
To feel me close to you,
Or need to know that you are loved
For all that you say and do,
Just close your eyes and reach for me.
I will always be only - a touch away.
Should you ever feel the need
To know that you belong
Or want to feel my arms around you
When all in the world goes wrong
Just close your eyes and wish for me
I will always be only - a whisper away.
Should you ever just sit and think of me
Know that my thoughts are with you too.
You will feel the beating of my heart
And see a smile that is only meant for you
Just close your eyes and reach for me
I will always be only - a touch away.
Life's Bridges
During our lives we are given many Bridges to cross.
Crossing the Bridges of life's troubles is not easy.
As I see you crossing a bridge with troubled heart and soul,
I want you to know my heart aches with yours,
My prayers and thoughts will be with you during the crossing.
Though reaching out to people can be very hard,
I reach out to you, wishing the best for your sorrowed heart.
I pray that you are guided over the Bridge of life by peace and love
Along with the support of your family and true friends
As they carry you in their thoughts and hearts all their lives.
When I think of you, or see you, I cannot help but smile,
Hoping that my smile, or hug, will make your pain go away,
Realizing that it may not, at least know that it is from my heart.
You are such a special person and will always shine through.
Somehow, you will find your way to a peace within yourself,
And the peace needed for crossing the Bridges of life.
A Silent Love
I often find myself walking in silence
Totally preoccupied by my thoughts.
Knowing that Love should never be a game
For this life is already cruel enough.
It can be so difficult to love someone
Due to a fear that must be born in silence.
The heart wrenching fear of losing them again
Scaring me so that my mind is fully occupied.
I offer a silent prayer of peace for you
Wanting to remind you that you are loved
Over time and distance by one who's desire is
To love you with all of her heart and soul.
Your heart I would tenderly caress
Tucking it safely into the warmth of mine
In an attempt to absorb any pain you may feel
While silently replacing it with my love.
A Dream
Drifting off to sleep I begin to Dream.
I hear your voice calling out my name,
Saying you are sorry for the pain you caused
And for all the tears that I have cried over you.
You tell me that your feelings for me are true,
Promising that never again will you hurt me.
My heart sings with the joy of rekindled love.
I awaken slowly with a smile still on my lips.
The smile soon gives way to tears
When I realize it was just a Dream.
A Single Tear
My chosen fate would be
To become a single tear of yours.
I would then know that my life
Really mattered in some way to you.
For if I were a single tear of yours
I would be conceived in your heart,
So that I could be born in your eye.
My life's course spent on your cheek
And then finally I'd die on your lips.
My Fears
I have so much fear inside of me
A fear of how things might, or might not be
I fear my feelings running astray
A fear of emotions too strong to say
I fear my heart telling my mind what to do
A fear that what I am feeling is true
I fear that if I ignore it, it will go away
A fear if I chase it, it will stay
I fear where it might eventually lead us too
A fear of what it will mean for me and you
I fear that true love will never be
A fear of loneliness never leaving me
My greatest fear
Is not a fear of losing you
My greatest fear in life
Is of never having you
Just A Whisper
When you hear a soft whisper
From somewhere in the night,
When you lie there dreaming
Of someone holding you tight,
As you are going about your day
And you feel a sudden warm glow,
It is my caress being sent to you
Loving you forever...and now you know.
last updated 08/19/02 5:04 am
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